some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
