Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
