I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
