So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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