I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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