It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I have fence marks all over my body
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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