I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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