Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
