I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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