Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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