You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
