please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
