Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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