oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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