well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
