..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
