I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
