I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
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She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
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Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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