My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
