the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The power of my boobs compel you
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
