I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
