Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize