Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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