someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
