I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
