i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
