I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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