i just had sex bonerless
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Randomize
