Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
