this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
