The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
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he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
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Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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