Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
