You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
