just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
