hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
