Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Sext me about skeletons
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
