he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
