i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize
