Umm I'm too high to move.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
