Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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