the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
