once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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