i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
