just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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