Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
