Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
