My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
