The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
