i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
