my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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