Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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