i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
