I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
