Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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