I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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