you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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