The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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