There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
