belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
