Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
